What's so sinful about having sex outside of marriage?

This is a question asked a lot, especially from those who are in “committed” relationships and they have children together. I see a growing trend in my generation. Many of the young people are having babies, yet there is only a household of one, generally it being a mother. And even if it is a household of two, the parents are not married for some reason or another. I am in no way writing this blog post to condemn anyone, I am writing it so I can express the beauty of marriage done God’s way and how it’s so important that if you label yourself as a Christian to live as one by doing things the way God designed for it to be. I am also writing this post so we can bring back Godly values to a dying generation who seem to be moving further and further away from God.

Many “Christians” think its OK to have sex and still call their selves “Christians” when they are not married to their sexual partner. I mean they love their partner’s right? Their doing no one any harm and most of all they are "committed".

The fact is is that these people are not really in fully committed relationships; rather they are in semi-committed relationships. And some of the reasons why marriage keeps being held off is at least one person in the relationship is not ready to commit, or maybe they are not sure if they want to spend the rest of their life with this one person, or simply put why would they buy a cow when they can milk it for free?

Another thing important to realize is that if we proclaim ourselves as Christians we need to understand that sex outside of marriage does cause harm. It causes harm to our spirits and most importantly is causes harm to our relationship with God. Sex is more than just an act of physical pleasure; it’s literally the bonding of two people mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It’s something so intimate and if done God’s way is so beautiful. God meant for sex to be done within a marriage between a husband and a wife, and that doesn't include engaged couples. The Bible says you must be married.

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

Hebrews 13: 4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

1 Thessalonians 4:3 It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality

Sexually immoral people in the Bible are described as those who can’t control themselves and are having sex with men/women who are not their spouse. If they couldn't control their flesh the Bible says it is better for that person to marry than for them to burn with lust (1 Corinthians 7:9). Premarital sex is a sin and if you are having it you are not in a good place with God, and it’s grieving His heart. He knows how precious you are and He doesn't want you selling yourself up short to please a human. God wants you to put Him first.

God designed sex for a husband and a wife for a reason. For one it saves a lot of emotionally heartache when you thought the person loved you for forever, but all they really wanted was sexual pleasure. The reasons why a lot of relationships don’t work are because they think sex is what’s going to keep someone. For a while sex will keep a lustful person, but after a while they get bored, the arguments start and you realize you aren't compatible. It’s because your relationship was based off of lust and not pure love. If a person sincerely loves you they will wait for your hand in marriage to join physically one with you by doing things God’s way.

Sex clouds a person’s judgment. When you know the person isn't right for you you still try to be with them because you have joined yourself to this person when you shouldn't have in the first place. Now you’re unhappy and struggling to make the relationship work, but it’s not going to work unless you start putting God first in it and serving God with your body.

A way you can tell if you are in a serious relationship based on love is by telling that person you will not have sex with them anymore until after you are married with them. If that person gets angry, doesn't understand and starts trying to convince you to change your mind, then that’s lust not love, and it reveals their true intentions. Their desire for you is conditional and based mainly on physical pleasure. Staying with this person will not help your relationship with God, but hinder it. That person is keeping you from a prosperous relationship with God and furthermore they don’t care about the eternity of your soul, all they care about is fulfilling their fleshly desire. That shouldn't be so.

The love of your life should love you no matter if he/she can have sex with you or not. Do things God’s way and see the positive changes it can have in your relationship. For one you should do things God’s way because you love Him, and as Christians we are to obey Him. My husband and I first started as sinners and argued constantly because we were doing things the devil’s way, but once we got saved we practiced abstinence and our relationship has never been better. It’s because we planted our relationship on solid ground by following God’s principles. Check out Our Not So Ordinary Courting Story.

I will leave you to ponder on some questions. Why can’t you give up sex for God? Has sex become your God? If so repent and move away from it. God forgives a sincere heart who cries out to Him and stops committing the act of sexual immorality. You can live the holy life God desires for you to live, which is a life worth pleasing to Him.

1 Thessalonians 4:4 that each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

It is with great love that I write this post. As Christians who love the Lord we live to please God, and not people. We can't call ourselves a child of God, but act like children of the devil. Value yourself and put God first. You can do this!


1 comment

  1. This is really deep cuz. I mean out there in the world today, way too many deaths of the infamous to the young children begin born out of non marriages and very broken homes of marriages. Its harmful to see. That's qhy some also have fear of marriage and just in it for a sexual appeite. Well done in putting these words together. And God bless


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